Building A Bigger Table

In the Noonday Collection world we have a saying that states when a table becomes full, we just build a bigger table.

I love the imagery of gathering around a table.

There is so much life that happens around tables. Strangers becoming friends, families sharing intimate moments, hearts and bellies becoming full, mourning and celebrations often all take place around a table.

You know who else often found himself gathering around a table, Jesus.

Jesus even chose to gather around a table with his closest followers just days before his death.

Over the past several years, I have heard more and more people draw attention to the fact that Jesus essentially surrounded himself with only a handful of people, his 12 disciples. 

This focus has lead to an increased rationalizing of small, secluded groups in churches and the American Christian community. After all, if Jesus only had twelve close friends, then shouldn't I, right?

Having a few, safe, close friends to share life with is great. We all need people to listen to us and speak life into us when we need it. Please hear this, having a small group of people you can trust and confide in is a good thing.

The problem comes when we are so consumed with only saturating ourselves with our people, we fail to share Jesus with anyone not sitting at our table. 

 You see, friends,  Jesus' plan in surrounding himself with the twelve was so that he could eventually build a bigger table.

Jesus knew he had limited days to teach the good news. He had limited days to pour into what would become his bride, the church. He had limited days to prepare the people to share his sacrifice with the entire world. 

He had to saturate himself into the twelve, so that the twelve could saturate the world with Jesus. The plan was always to reach further than the few. 

The sole purpose of teaching those close to him well was so they would be equipped and ready to share with everyone else. 

If we as followers of Jesus want to live as Jesus lived, our purpose in drawing close to the few has to be so we can ultimately reach more people. 

We must always be willing and ready to build a bigger table.

That, of course, begins with sharing our table with a few.

Gather with a few, yes.

Then pull up more chairs.

Then when there is no longer room for more chairs, build a bigger table. 

 

The message of Jesus is one of inclusion, shouldn't we mimic that.

For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. John 3:17, NIV 

When New Lenses Are Needed...

Deep in the "trenches" of Motherhood holding hands with an almost 4 year old and carrying a small babe, I froze in the middle of the Kroger parking lot at the scene playing out before me. I watched as my husband handed over an entire bag of candy to a shocked bell ringer in a red vest standing in the cold next to her red bucket. I watched as the words "you are the best bell ringer, you bring so much joy to everyone around. I know you purchase the candy you give to the kids out of pocket and I wanted to bless you today" left my husbands lips and a tear filled woman embraced him into a beautiful hug before he made his way back to his banking job inside.

I managed to begin walking and called to catch up with him. He didn't know we had been standing there and was excited to see us. My googly eyes were showing as he shared how she really is the most joyful bell ringer he has ever seen and he figures he can spare a couple dollars to help her do it. 

I don't remember the events prior to getting out of our car to walk inside the store. I don't remember what we did the rest of the day. I don't remember what silly spat Caleb and I were likely in the middle of.

What I remember is how proud I was to be married to that man. A man who sees the best in people. A man who is kind. A man who loves well in his own way. A man who makes my world and the world around us better. 

I fully believe God intervened and allowed me to witness my husbands kindness that day. I needed to see him through a different lens. I needed to take off my exhausted mom of littles glasses. I needed a new perspective. I needed to know that boy who wooed me with his heart for others was still there. I needed to know that there was hope. I needed to know we were going to be okay.

I tell you this today because I think a lot of us need to remove our lenses and find a new perspective. The recent election and events surrounding it have fogged up our glasses. Division, fear, and hopelessness have crippled us as a nation on all sides of the spectrum. We are indeed facing a critical moment, but it has nothing to do with who holds the presidential office.

When we stop valuing humanity and simple acts of kindness, we are setting ourselves up for failure. 

When fear guides our steps, our steps become about self preservation. Self preservation leads to division and division destroys. 

 We have an opportunity as a nation, a church, and as individuals to show the world that although we disagree, we value each other. We have an opportunity to show that America isn't great because of one office, but because we believe people, all people, have worth.

We have an opportunity to show the world that when things get hard, we take the kind road. The road that will repair and unite.

If you are feeling discouraged this week, I understand.
If you are feeling sad, I am sorry and I get it.
If you are worried, I share in your thoughts.
If you are angry, feel it and release it.

But, don't let these feelings define or cripple you.

We have ugly things in our past. We will have ugly, hard things in our future. 

We can be a nation that wallows in those ugly, hard things or we can be a nation that learns, reconciles, and makes the needed changes. 

Trade out those old, foggy glasses for shiny, clear ones. Allow yourself to see the good in our world. Tell the stories of hope. Get to work spreading kindness like wildfire. Hug someone different than you. Send an encouraging card. Buy someone some candy, coffee, or a donut.

We can not move forward if we are paralyzed by fear, anger, and hate.

Personally, I am so ready to move forward. I would hate to leave anyone behind. 

For The Love of Jen Hatmaker

Today this book is released into the wild for all the world. 

I was lucky enough to receive an early copy of For The Love by Jen Hatmaker back in March when I was chosen to be a part of her launch team.

I found myself literally cry laughing out loud one second and then ugly crying the next. I laughed, I cried, I shouted Amen and Preach it sister.

This book is filled with hilarity, but also hard truths.

Lets list a few, shall we...

"We are not promised a pain free life, but are given the tools to survive: God and people. It is enough."

~

"If doctrine elevates a women's married-with-children status as her highest calling, it isn't true because that omits single believers(whose status Paul considers preferable), widows, the childless by choice or fate or loss, the divorced, and the celibate gay..... Theology is either true everywhere or it isn't true anywhere."

~
"Truth creates a sincere community for which the earth is starving."
~
On parenting:

"They must be allowed to wrestle without being shamed, or they'll default to their open-armed peers and we will lost them."

"I pray for your kindness more than your success, because the latter without the former is a tragedy."

"We must shepherd their hearts, not their hemlines."

~

On Christians:

"Our shared redemption should keep us grateful and kind, because what other response can even make sense?"

"May the world see a thankful, committed family who loves their God, adores their Savior, and can't get enough of one another. This is a story that saves, a story that heals, and the right story to tell."

~

Y'all. This book is filled with nuggets of truth and so much more.

Grab some copies, pass them out to your friends, pour some coffee, and enjoy. This is the kind of book you will want to share with friends.

You can get it here.




Another favorite nugget from this book is on calling and theological truth is  "If it isn't true for a poor single Christian mom in Haiti, it isn't true."

Gah. If that doesn't hit you where it hurts, I don't know what will.

Jen teamed up with Noonday Collection to create this bracelet. It was made in Haiti and provides sustainable work to Haitian moms. Also, $5 from each sold goes to Help One Now. You can purchase this reminder of truth here.

PS. You can go to this link, click through the endorsements and you might see a familiar name. *Hint*It's mine* ;)

Happy Reading, friends.

Winner...

Thank you all for entering the giveaway! 

The winner of the necklace is Sunshine Robbins.

Congratulations, Sunshine, I will get the necklace to you soon! 

If you didn't win, you can still purchase one of your own here. OR you can host a trunk show to earn free product. 

Thanks again to everyone who entered! 

Mother's Day Giveaway!!!

Yesterday I shared  this  post about Motherhood. It received a lot of love. Thank you for so many kind words. The stories and words you shared with me confirmed that mother's need all the support and confidence boosts they can get.

I passionately believe that mothers should feel confident and empowered. I believe confident and empowered women will raise confident and capable children.

I, also, love how much Noonday Collection values family and women near and far.  

When you purchase from Noonday you are allowing parents to keep their families together and provide basic needs. You are giving women, who may not be able to otherwise, a job and hope. 

Mothers around the world are given value, while being able to effectively care for their children.

It is a beautiful mission and am so excited to be apart of it.  

In honor of Mother's Day and my new role as an Ambassador for Noonday, I am hosting a giveaway for one lucky person.

The Sparkling Necklace in sea green is a combination of handcrafted paper beads, rhinestones, and seed beads. It is made with {love} in Uganda. It can stand alone as a pop of color or be layered to give a more trendy look. 

I love this necklace. The paper beads make it very light and comfortable to wear, while the rhinestones give it some sparkle and added character. I am wearing it below along with the leather leaf earrings. 

The necklace is valued at $36, but you could win one here for FREE.

To Enter:

Simply leave a comment on this post for one entry.

Additional Entries:

If you make any purchase from my Noonday site today - 5/9, you will earn another 2 entries. (This can be associated with a trunk show or just through my site)

or

If you schedule a date to host your own Noonday trunk show to earn more free product and style your friends during the months of May - July, you will earn another 2 entries.

I will post the winner on Mother's Day! 

Good Luck!

I would love to share more about Noonday and the purpose behind it with you. For more information, email me at alcbarrett@gmail.com and I will gladly get back with you. 

That time I was called a bad mom... (An Early Mother's Day Post)

"You need to fix this. You need to do something about your kid. You are a bad mom." 

These are the words I remember. I have no idea if these were the words actually said. They were definitely the words I heard. 

I don't know what day of the week it was. I don't know what I was wearing. I don't know what the weather was like outside. I just know that this is a morning that I will never forget. 

I was working full time outside the home and commuting to and from work. Brady was about 2 and in an in home daycare.

Brady was a biter.

He used biting as a way to communicate and deal with conflict. 

It was awful. I remember saying to Caleb one night, "I don't know how to do this. Its not like I get mad at you and start biting you. If that were the case maybe I could figure out what to do. Also, I am at work when the majority of the biting takes place. I just don't know what else to do." 

This particular day Brady had bit one little girl at daycare one too many times and her mother had had enough. So she decided to very clearly let me know what she thought of my son, his biting, my parenting ability, and the situation. 

I calmly(meaning I managed to keep from breaking down into a puddle of snot and tears until she left) listened to her case. I tried to validate her concerns and apologize for the umpteenth time. I tried to express our side and that we feel terrible that our little creation is causing harm to your little creation and we are trying to remedy the situation. It is just so hard to do 8 hours after the incident.

She wasn't amused nor did she care about our side. She wanted her precious baby to stop coming home with teeth marks, and rightly so. 

On top of the, er, conversation that had just unfolded, I was a hot mess AND I was late for work. Awesome. 

It was an ugly few days. 

I already felt an unbelievable amount of guilt from leaving my child with some else 5 days a week. I felt guilty for spending over an hour in the car each day away from him. I felt guilty for date nights. I felt guilty for spending time with friends. I felt guilty for the biting. I felt guilty for enjoying my work, my drive to work, and time with my husband. I felt guilt for being late to work. I felt guilty for thinking about being late when my child obviously needed me. I felt guilty for not being fully present at work. 

But most of all, I felt like a really, really bad mom. 

Every insecurity and fear I had in this motherhood journey, had just been vocalized by another mother. 

It took days before I agreed to pick up or drop off Brady at daycare. I was a mess. 

This stands as one of the worst moments of being a mom to date for me. This is still a story I reluctantly share. It will take loads of courage to publish this. 

It's a story I need to share, though. 

You see, I am not a bad mom. I am a good mom. I love my children. I just had a moment when I let someone else's words define my abilities. 

The thing is, though, bad moms they do exist. 

Let me be clear, IF you are reading this, YOU are likely NOT a bad mom. 

But they do exist. 

I have met them, maybe you have too. 

I have sat across from babies who have suffered seizures and brain damage because their mother sold their formula for drugs and only fed the infant tap water. 

I have watched a little girl with cigarette burns covering her arms play with my hair while counseling her Foster parent as she explains how the mother inflicted each wound.

I have listened to a young woman cry her eyes out because her own mother completely abandoned her and now she is becoming a mother and she is so afraid of becoming like her own mother. 

I have listened to a young mom un-apologetically admit to opening her bedroom door to multiple men while her child watched in the same room. 

I don't claim to be an expert or know all the details to these situations. My experience in this area is limited. Many of these situations are much more involved than an one sentence summary.
 However, my experience opened my world to parents who don't put the needs of their children first. Parents who aren't good parents.  

The good news is, good parents, they exist too. 

The only non-existent parent is the perfect parent. 

I don't want my children to look back and think wow my mom was perfect. (Trust me, they won't.) I do want them to look back and think my mom tried as hard as she could. I want them to see a woman, who faced hard, ugly days, but didn't give up. A woman who got up and did what she needed to do no matter what. A mom who loved them so much her love made her a little crazy. It made her doubt and second guess every single thing she said or did. It kept her up at night thinking of how she could have done today better. A love that makes her yell like a wild banshee at the t-ball field. 

I want them to see a mom who failed daily, but asked for forgiveness, extended and accepted lots of grace, and learned to be better and love greater the next time. 

I want them to remember a home filled with love and TONS of grace. Because, at the end of the day, that is what we all need, love and grace, parents and kids alike. 

And the great thing about grace is that those, bad moms, the ones who really are bad or the ones who have just had bad moments, grace can cover them too. They can turn things around and become one of the crazy, good moms too. 

I may not know you or your situation as a mom personally, but this is what I do know.
If you feel like you are screwing it up every single day and you sit awake wondering if you are doing it all okay, then you are likely one of the good ones. 

At the end of it all, that is what makes you a good one, the desire to do this job as well as possible, not a label, not a moment, not a decision, not a status. 

So as we approach Mother's Day lets embrace the imperfection of this role, lets join together and say I just want to have more good moments than ugly moments, and toss those unrealistic expectations and all the labels out the window.

 Lets wear the one label we truly love with pride and simply be Mom.

In honor of Mother's Day approaching, I am hosting a giveaway beginning tomorrow to celebrate the value of women and moms around the world. Stay tuned...

Noonday Collection Ambassador

I am wrapping up my first month in my new adventure as a Noonday Ambassador.  I realized I haven't mentioned that here.  

I took a leap of faith and decided to join Noonday Collection as an Ambassador.

I am so excited  to start this journey. I have learned so much in the past few weeks and am excited to extend the mission and ideas behind this beautiful company with you. 

Noonday Collection is a business that uses fashion to create meaningful opportunities around the world. We do this by creating an international marketplace for artisans around the world in your home through trunk shows. Together we provide dignified jobs in vulnerable communities. We develop artisans through fair trade and work together to develop a flourishing world.

The Noonday products are beautiful and unique, but the stories behind the product are even more beautiful.

I would love to share more about this company and my role as an Ambassador with you. 

I will be hosting a giveaway later this week in honor of this new journey and Mother's Day, so stay tuned. 

Until then feel free to check out my site here. 

Unity and Hope Through Humanity

I stood in a hot, crowded, dirty hospital room nestling a brand new, tiny baby in my arms in the middle of SE Asia. Prayers were going up in three different languages while the new life in my arms began to whimper. I slide off to the side, repositioned, and bounced away the whimpers. As I was standing there, I caught myself whispering words over this beautiful baby boy. "Lord, protect this life, guide his parents, develop the bond with his twin brother. Lord, let them see you. Lord, let them see you! Let them see you!" 

This moment might be one of the most precious moments of my life to date, right there with holding my own babies for the first time. It wasn't expected. God led us to this woman and new life. I didn't know what to expect when we climbed the long ramp and entered the crowded room. I was dying to get my momma hands on one of the precious babes, but wasn't sure if I would be allowed. When the baby was placed in my arms, I was filled with so much love and joy, the rest of the world faded away.  

My vision became tunnel vision only able to see one thing. 

All I saw was raw and real humanity. 

I became blind to the dirt, the heat, the smells, and all the other cringe worthy concerns of that hospital. In that moment, I no longer felt pity or worried about contamination or the like. 

I had to later process the conditions of that overcrowded hospital room, but in that moment all I could see were people. 

People. Real people. Real life. 

People excited to welcome new life. People worried about bills, pain, and adjusting to life with 2 babies. People mourning loss of life in one bed while rejoicing together with new life in the other. 

The conditions, the circumstances, and the culture might have been different, but the emotions, fears, and love filling that room were the same. 

 I have stories on top of stories about our recent trip to SE Asia. I love sharing them. I love that they have helped rewrite the way I see things. I love that when I talk with my friend Lauren, I know who and what she is referring to.

Most of the stories must be told by mouth, in living rooms or on porches over cups of coffee and glasses of sweet tea. I had such an opportunity last weekend to fill my living room with 15 sweet friends and smother them will all the SE Asia I could muster. It was intimate, beautiful, and fun. We laughed, we cried, we walked through muddied waters, and mapped out the path God is weaving in that city. 

Though, If I could only share one thing with you from our trip, it would be this. 

These people, the poor, oppressed, searching, lost, etc. people, they are real. 

They aren't just some idea or cause.

They aren't untouchable, dumb, or another statistic. 

They are real people walking through hurt, loss, love, life, and beauty. 

They are much more the same than they are different. 

They are human, feeling all the feels and dreaming all the dreams.

Just like you. 

You are not just a label, personality, degree, or career. You are a person. A real breathing, feeling, dreaming person. How would you feel if you were only identified by your bank account, or lack thereof? 

I could give you about 9 million 'differences' between the SE Asia land and the American land I stand on. I could dissect how things are better and worse in each place. I have had a lot to process, take in, and attempt to wrap my mind around. There is a place and time for all of those things. 

But seeing people as human, that is the lesson to take away. 

Our humanity is what unites us. 

We can gather around the throne and unite in Jesus, because at the end of the day, regardless of where we come from, go, or what language leaves our lips, we are all human. 

People searching for something greater than ourselves. People searching for love, grace, and acceptance while finding our way through this crazy gift of life. 

And Jesus, he joins us in that, because, likewise, he tasted humanity.
He felt it, lived it, and died in it. 

The specifics and details may be different, but the emotions, challenges, and processes are so much of the same. 

Oh, the hope that comes from this. 

We can overcome differences, mistakes, and failures when we see others as human. When we only see differences, mistakes, and failures, we fail to see people as human. When we fail to see humanity as human, we lose all hope. 

My prayer upon returning has repeatedly been, "Lord, let me see people as you see them, as created, beautiful, broken people". 

 When we simply begin to see people as people, without all the labels, we can slowly start to change the world.

Let's start to change the world...

Traveling, Motherhood, and Jesus

The summer of 2013 I loaded my 4 year old and my 11 month old into a car and began a 12 plus hour drive north with a group from our church while my husband stayed home for work. We would spend a week providing a Vacation Bible School and helping the local church reach the community. Before we even left the parking lot, Presley had covered herself and car seat in granola bar. I was beginning to regret my decision...

Thinking the trip was just too hard.

 It was hard. It was exhausting. It almost pushed me to my breaking point at times.

But it was also beautiful.
Jesus met me in the form of community, support, and coffee. I saw Jesus in friends when they offered to nap with Presley despite her protests. I saw Jesus when another drove me to the store. I felt His presence as I read Bible stories to children who had never heard of Paul, James, or John. Jesus was there in the car as my children patiently and quietly took in the long drive. He held my hand and pushed me forward. He whispered words of validation and encouragement through various voices.  I was surrounded by hands, feet, and voices of Jesus. I wasn't alone. It was beautiful because I found so much peace underneath the hard.

I learned quickly when we step out of comfort and answer the call of Jesus, He shows up. Right there. Right where we are. Right when we need him.

My children learned about servant hood, trusting the Father, a sense of community, and a worldview that expands farther than our back yard was forming.

I am a huge advocate for showing the world to your children. 

I am also, simultaneously, a huge advocate for not losing your identity in your children.
While I agree there is a time to share the world with your children, there is also a time to see it for yourself. A time to be intentional, free from distraction, and fully present to dream dreams and grow relationships.

It is just as much a gift to them that I remain my own person, with her own dreams, desires, and plans.

Just as my faith is not my children's faith, my children's faith is not my own.

I must leave room for myself to continue learning, growing, and searching.
 I must leave room for them to learn, grow, and search without me.

Sometimes that comes in the form of sleepovers, school, or date nights.

This past January it came in the form of a trip. A trip not for our entire family, but for just Caleb and I.  A trip I didn't anticipate. I trip I had unknowingly prayed for. A trip that would test if my trust in God matched the words of my mouth. 

I had fears and doubts, but my desire to serve the Lord and experience the world was greater than the fear of leaving my children. 

The desire to teach my children bravery and trust outweighed the fear of all that could go wrong. 

There were moments, though, when fear won.

Once again when I was weak, God showed up. He showed up in the form of texts messages of kindness and encouragement. Jesus showed up when an unbelievable amount of hands offered to care for my babies. He showed up in the form of checks tucked into our hands during sincere hugs. Jesus showed up in the countless prayers and thoughts on our behalf. He showed up in long overdue hugs and late night laughs with great conversation. He was there in hospital rooms, on walks, and in the market.

He showed up when I watched my husband soak up a culture and language beautifully. I watched him through a lens of peace, love, and intention rather than a lens of distraction and bitterness. The lens I wear far too often when arguing with a 6 year old and being mauled by a 2 year old.

He showed up when opportunity after opportunity to speak His name and show His goodness arrived while we were visiting.

He showed up in the prayer of my son while were gone that in so many words said keep my mom and dad safe while they are showing Jesus to others away from home.

He showed up. Right there. Right where I was. Right when I needed him.

After we returned home, we were all in the car. Brady had forgotten something and was trying with all his might to not cry. He hugged the handmade elephant we had brought him and tightly clenched his eyes.  I looked back and said, "Brady we are home. We are safe. You don't have to worry anymore."

He responded with words no parent wants to hear, "Why did you have to go without me?"

I held back my alligator tears and channeled my best Danny Tanner voice while the this-is-the-lesson-moment music played in the back ground.

"Brady, one day you are going to come home and say Mom! a group is going to Haiti, Uganda, London(you fill in the blank) and I want to go too. I am going to reply, I want to go too. Lets go together. You will say Mom, I want to go alone. I need to do this without you.

And I will say Okay, you can go.

And you will go and it will be great. And I will be proud.

 You will go because you are brave. You will have confidence and trust because I had confidence and  trust.  And I hope you will remember how I was brave and that you can draw strength from that."

These words spilled out of my mouth before I had a chance to think.

Caleb quickly responded whoa, that was good.

Brady quickly responded I want to go to Tokyo.

I am in constant prayer that I am raising independent, contributing, kind humans who love God and their neighbors near and far.  People who will enhance the Kingdom and speak Jesus.

I am also in constant prayer that I am an independent, contributing, kind human who loves God and my neighbor near and far.  A person who enhances the Kingdom and speaks Jesus.

There will come a day my children will have to decided for their own whom they will follow, I will not be there to guide them.  I will not be there to tell them. I will not be there to do it for them. It will be their journey and their's alone.

And I will be left on my own journey without them.

So show your children the world. Serve right along side of them. Yes!

But also see the world for yourself. Cultivate your relationships. Serve even when no one is watching. Yes!

And lets put our trust and faith in God for the rest because He is able.

"Cast all your cares upon him, for he cares for you."
                                                   -  1 Peter 5:7

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New Year. New Opportunities.

Gifts have all been opened. We have overindulged in yummy food. The Christmas lights have been unplugged, the ornaments carefully wrapped, and the tree stuffed away until next year. We have counted down and welcomed 2015 with excitement. 

Monday will officially end our 'winter break'. It is typical for this to be a bittersweet time for me. I love the holidays. I love every stinking bit of it. I am always a little sad to see it wind down. When most people are ready to retreat and slow down, I long to keep running at full speed. On the other hand, I am ready for routine schedules, eating, and sleeping to return for everyone. 

January is normally one of my least favorite months. It just seems so sad, deflated, and lonely for me. 

This year things are incredibly different.

I have been clinging to the holidays because, if I am honest, they have served as a beautiful distraction to what lies ahead in 2015. 

Caleb and I were presented with an opportunity to lead a small group to travel to encourage and support our friends in South East Asia (SEA). The trip would consist of 10 days in the month of January. 

When we were first presented with the opportunity back in the fall, I was a little surprised and shocked, but Oh. So. Excited and honored.   I asked Caleb what he thought about it and he was enthusiastically, no hesitation,  feet first ALL in. It was the perfect response, the response I needed.

I am unbearably thankful he is the one I get to share this crazy life with.

I desperately wanted to be that confident with my yes, however my mommy heart and mind nagged at me. Ten days away from our small children. Both parents on extensive plane routes away from our babies. Thousands of miles separating us from our precious little ones. Can I do this? Should I do this?

Then the what ifs began. I have spent many nights swirling all the things that could go wrong around in my mind. 

It went something like this..

Yes, Lets go!       Wait! What will we do with our children.

This will be affordable.  No, even with the assistance, we cant afford this. 

10 days isn't that long.    10 days will be way to hard on Presley. 

Brady will be distracted by school.   What if Brady needs me while in school?

Caleb and I can spend some great experiences together and strengthen our relationship.  Oh no, both parents will be gone, if something goes wrong. 

Our children will see our example of trusting the Lord with all our heart and hopefully live a life without fear.  But I am a little afraid. 

The kids will be fine. What if they aren't? 

We will be fine. What if we aren't?

Exhausting I know. This is only a taste of what it is like to live in my head.

To some it might seem silly. To some it is also your reality. 

Most of the time I put an end to them by praying each one of them away before allowing myself to be taken over by sleep. 

Amazingly, nearly all fears have been alleviated in the most unexpected of ways. 

I have been repeatedly reminded that the God I serve is incredibly more capable than I give Him credit. 

But still... As each fear is alleviated, I allow my mind to create new ones. 

The holidays provided the perfect distraction for all my fears, concerns, and even excitement. 

Now they are over. January is here and the trip is rapidly approaching. 

I am excited. I am honored. I am hopeful. I am thirsty with anticipation. 

I am also nervous. I am scared. I am hesitant. 

It is a whirlwind of emotions around here. 

The purpose of this trip is so good. The work being done in SEA is good. Our friends are good. I am so confident God is the center of all of it. 

Even still, I am so aware of the risk. I don't need to be reminded of that part. 

I am choosing to trust. 

Therefore, I am bursting with excitement to see how God can be glorified throughout all of it. 

In these moments, I am reminded of the book of Daniel. Throughout the book, Daniel and his friend's faith was challenged in many different ways. Around chapter 3, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego are commanded to worship an image King Nebuchadnezzar had created or be thrown into a fire furnace. They refused. When approached about their decision to resist, their response is remarkable. 

"If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O King. BUT even if he does not, we want you to know, O King, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."

                                                      Daniel 3:17-18, NIV, emphasis added

I began 2014 desiring more Trust in the creator of all things.
I am ending 2014 by laying a ginormous amount of trust at the feet of our Father in heaven.  

I am hopeful everything will be fine and 2015 will be a great year for our family, but if not, I am confident we will serve the Lord. 

If you don't mind, friends, I am asking you keep us in your thoughts and prayers throughout this month. I would so appreciate prayers of safe travels, things running smoothly at home, and peaceful hearts and minds for us, our children, our travel team, and our friends and families. 

Mostly I petition you to pray God will be glorified through all of this. 

Here is to a fruitful and joy filled New Year.

The Prison of Fear...

Chances are if you know me, you know I place a great importance on obedience. Deep down to my core I believe if children never learn obedience with their earthly father, they will never learn to be obedient to their heavenly father.  I believe obedience coupled with discipline, respect, independence, critical thinking, love, etc. can set our children up for success in whatever way we define it.  Our children are far from perfect and are  just like all other children in that they don't always obey the first time around or at all from time to time. However, we strive to teach them obedience.

With that being said, I often catch myself praying to be more obedient to God's commands. I want to be obedient. I want to do good. I want to be Christ-like. I want to be obedient to His work and growing his kingdom. 

Many times, though, I choose the disobedient way out. Many times I choose to do what I want instead of what God wants. 

There are some crazy things happening on the horizon here. Dreams becoming realities. Opportunities to be obedient at our feet. Prayers being answered with desired results or unexpected results which are greater than our desires.  The unknown turning into clarity. 

As all of these things are playing out, my first emotions have been overwhelming excitement and joy.  It is exciting to see God moving and working in ways you couldn't even imagine. 

Watching things work together so perfectly and so intricately brings awe and amazement. I am not sure I can even articulate all the excitement going on over here.

The next emotion that comes, usually in the middle of the night when I should be sleeping, is fear. The fear of the what if's. What if we aren't kept safe? What if this drastically changes things? What if it doesn't? What if we are hurt? What if we are rejected? What if...

I was in the middle of having a major nervous breakdown when I looked down at my leather cuff on my wrist. "Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders." -Hillsong

I have sung this song for months. I wear these words on my wrist. I pray them with my whole heart. 

I want to trust the Spirit to lead me. I want the Spirit to drive out fear, to drive out borders. 

When you ask for opportunity to be boldly obedient and for trust without borders, you just might get it.  

You see, I like borders. Borders are safe and comfy and border-like. They provide me with limitations, excuses, if you will, to assist in holding me back and continue in my comfortable life.  They keep me feeling contained. They provide me some security and peace of mind.  They give me some feeling of control. 

But outside the borders, outside the security and comfort, anything can happen. The risk is greater. That is when the fear pours in. 

As long as I am inside the borders I can feel brave. Once I cross that line, though, my false sense of bravery disappears and my true feelings of fear and doubt are left exposed. 

Now I have to really decide am I going to trust God with everything I have or am I going to crawl back into my false sense of bravery?

The truth is we like to be obedient as long as it fits within our plans and our borders. We like to trust God as long as He provides us with what we want. As long as our children, spouse, and money are kept safe our faith is strong. Compromise those things and we are shaken. 

I hope to be able to share more soon about how God is moving in and through us. There are still some unknowns to work out.  I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared, if I wasn't hesitant, and even a little worried. However, Caleb and I together have decided to take some leaps of faith. We are prayerful that great things will come from our simple act of obedience.

I never want my children to see fear defining my life. I never want them to shy away from stepping out in faith or taking risks, only because they are afraid.

 I don't want my fear to become my border, because then it actually becomes more like a prison. 

And a prison is never ideal. 

Maybe there is freedom outside the borders, but you must be brave enough to find out first.

What fears keep you from being boldly obedient and trusting God fully? 

Let's Just Get Over Ourselves, Shall We?

A few months back, I received a text message from a sweet friend that read something like this...

'You appear to handle and balance the crazy and fun of summer so well. I would have never thought to check on you to see how you are handling it all.'

It was in the thick of summer madness. In an effort of full disclosure this message was received shortly after a confession to said friend about a mild breakdown and mommy failure moment. 

Here is the thing. This mom thing. It is hard. 

I have absolutely no idea what I am doing. Each day brings new challenges. I just roll with it the best I can and pray God takes care of the rest. If I fail, I knock off the dirt, pray, and try again. 

And I am okay with that parenting strategy. 

Because *news flash* no one else knows what they are doing, either.

The rest of my life strategy is basically the same thing. I make decisions based on the information and knowledge I have at that given time and pray for the rest. 

It works pretty well for me. 

Until...

I start buying into the the criticism, defensiveness, and over-sensitivity of the world. 

This isn't a problem with the internet or social media; its a problem with the world. It isn't a problem with churches, mothers, or politics; it is a problem with people. 

The only way it will change is if we change ourselves. 

The first way to do that is to put down your pitch fork, your shield, and your tissues. Now that your hands and heart are free try picking up some forgiveness, grace, and understanding. 

Much better, right? 

Oh my word. What I wouldn't give to see a little more forgiveness, grace, and understanding with a lot less defenses, accusations, and offended people. 

Can we just all chill out a little, people? 

If Mrs. Smith attends your mothers funeral and offers condolences, she probably isn't trying to offend you with insensitive words. She is trying to be nice. People are different. Loss is hard. Some words comfort some but not others. She came, she supported, she offered love in the only way she knew how. 

If pinterest mommy throws a circus party for little sue with camel rides, homemade cotton candy, and freshly fried funnel cakes and hand sown ringmaster costumes, maybe she isn't trying to one up your Wal-mart cake and ice cream-no decorations- free park party. She has the beautiful gift that her pinterest projects actually resemble the picture and she is just trying to make her beloved child feel special, loved, and wanted on their birthday. 

If a wife shares her healthy, home-cooked meal with ingredients she grew in her organic soil garden, maybe she isn't calling you a bad wife for calling your husband and having him grab a pizza and some break and bake cookies on the way home. Maybe she has just discovered a new passion and wants to share it with the world in the hopes some one else might share that passion. 

If a family dunks a bunch of ice water on their heads for a cause, it doesn't necessarily mean they expect that to be considered worthy, ignore other diseases, or even think the disease will no longer exist. Maybe they were challenged and accepted because they weren't aware of the disease until great aunt Mable contracted it and suffered a hard and unbearable death and, as the caretakers during the toughest moments,  would hate to witness anyone else bearing that burden.  

I could come up with a million other what ifs, but the examples aren't the point. The point is I think people need to be given a little more credit. I think we need to put down the weapons and arguments and spend a little more time listening and forgiving and loving. 

Criticism, defenses, and sensitivity have a place. They can be helpful in the appropriate setting. Hurt feelings, judgement, discernment, constructive criticism, etc are all real and have their purpose. These things are necessary and important for many reasons. They all can be used for good. All too often, though, they are used to cut, wound, and/or play the victim. 

I am all for addressing feelings and standing up for yourself. Please don't misunderstand me. 

But, for the love, can we please just lighten up a little and stop with all the fighting, pointed accusations, and poor-pitiful-me-someone-hurt-my-feelings bit?

Can we pull up our big girl panties for once, take responsibility for our actions, and get to work loving, supporting, and caring for one another without the worry of am I doing this right? 

I believe I can only change myself, so I am striving to be less critical and more forgiving, less defensiveness and more listening, less offended and more understanding. 

Will you join me in putting down the pitch forks, including the one pointed at yourself? 

I hope so. Now if you will excuse me I have to scrape smushed banana off my hardwood floors and I don't feel guilty or embarrassed about that at all. ;)

Resting and Refocusing

To say I have been uninspired lately is a huge understatement. 

Life is beautifully hard. Changes, struggles, meanness, discouragement, hurt, death, love, blessings and loss all mix together and create a world which at times is difficult to navigate.  I have had the privilege of walking alongside many friends recently as they experience different ups and downs of life. I have loved it!

I have loved listening to stories, hopes, and dreams. I have loved checking in and encouraging each of them when needed. I have loved share scripture and prayers. I have been honored to be trusted with honest feelings of hopelessness, fear, and concern. I loved pouring specific prayers over my sweet friends. I have loved mourning and rejoicing with my people as they navigate through this crazy life.

In the midst of it all my life didn't stop, though. We have been busy with programs, trips, meetings, service, new jobs, birthdays and preparing for some upcoming changes.

I LOVE it all! I love the busy. I love the going. I love the doing. I love the listening. I love the people. I love supporting. I love encouraging. I love sharing. I love it all.

But sometimes it becomes too much. Sometimes between the listening, supporting, loving, sharing, serving, going, doing, changing, growing, mourning, and rejoicing, I am left exhausted and overwhelmed. I begin to have trouble processing it all. I lose my focus. 

I need to stop. I need to breathe. I need to refocus. I need to rest. I need to refuel. I need to be comforted. I need to be encouraged. I need to be loved.

I need the very thing I have tried so very hard to give all those around me.  

Occasionally when life gets too crazy, I am reminded of why Jesus made time to retreat to the mountains alone. I am reminded of the need to rest, pray, smother my thoughts with God, and return focus to Him.

I want to live a life which exudes Christ. I desperately try to do so. I am so often reminded though that there has to be balance between focusing on my own growth in Christ and encouraging others to know him.

I must have both. I must retreat to the mountain to abide in Him and I must use my life to share Him.
It is an and where so many of us put an or.

This past week I caught myself retreating to one of  my mountains. 

This past week was the week my people were at the Bible camp I spent one week each summer growing, learning, and loving as a child.  Due to small children, other obligations, and diapers I haven't been able to commit to the full week in several years. This year as my family made our way up the mountain to visit the first night, I looked at Caleb and exclaimed when I am here I feel home, I feel loved, I feel encouraged, and I feel renewed. I feel peace.

He laughed.

I really do feel those things there. I was baptized on that mountain. I spent a portion of every summer there for so many years. I met my husband there. I made some of my most precious memories and relationships there.  He proposed to me there. There is peace in that place for me. I became so much of who I am there. 

Each night I found myself driving up the one lane, rough, bumpy road in search of that peace. Each night I left with it.

Slowly the mountain was renewing me. Slowly it was reminding me. Slowly it was refreshing me. Slowly it was remaking me.

It wasn't until about Tuesday that I realized I had been searching for a mountain to retreat to for a while now.  Over the past several months as I have searched, listened, encouraged, prayed, mourned and rejoiced for myself and my friends, one thing held true. In all of it I was searching for a peace. I was searching for Jesus.

 I needed a mountain to retreat to in order to see it.

I needed to be anchored in Jesus so I could balance the mourning and rejoicing, the serving and abiding, the encouraging and the encouraged.

The last night I made my way down in the wee hours of the night. I whispered prayers in my car that God would remind me when I needed rest and renewal.  It comes in so many forms and places. I need my eyes opened to see it. 

I left that mountain inspired and excited. My faith was challenged and renewed. I was reminded that my commitment and duty as a follower of Christ matters. I was reminded of my purpose. My focus was removed off of self and replaced onto the creator.

This week I am left with a little bit better understanding on why Jesus chose to temporarily leave his followers, leave his purpose, and leave his works. In order for him to stay committed and focus on his Father and His ultimate plan he had to do so.

I am not sure why, in all my humanity, I fail to realize that very need in myself. 

I am continually amazed by Jesus. He managed to give a perfect example of dying to self while preserving his well being in order to fulfill the greater plan.

Now if only I can remember to follow it...

Differences

The first time I remember the 'aha' moment crashing over me, I was riding in the car with my husband and one year old baby boy while 'Yo Gabba Gabba' was blaring through the speakers. 

Brady at his 3rd B-day party with his Brobee Gabba cake.

Both of my children have loved this odd and quirky show. At first I was mortified by the strange characters and apparent drug use that it took to create this show. Upon further observation, I quickly began to realize this very weird show portrayed a great message. The lyrics and story lines are educational and positive. I mean, Muno was a key element in helping teach Brady to not bite his friends. It was a dark few months of biting any kid in his way, we were grasping at straws.  

The day of the 'aha' moment the song differences was playing. I looked at Caleb and said, "I just learned something from Yo Gabba". He sighed and looked over with a look that shouted oh boy here she goes again. 

One line in the song says all my friends are different, but I love them all the same. 

Bam! Right in the face it slapped me. All are different, but loved the same. 

I worked out the thoughts flooding my mind while my mouth struggled to keep up and share them with listening ears. I looked at him and asked, "why don't people believe this? Think of the possibilities if people would love and embrace the differences of their friends instead of compare and beat each other down over them? I don't think I have done a good job at this. I am going to do better at this. " 

Once I had spilled all my thoughts on the subject. I mentally prayed a quick prayer that I would be able to effectively teach my children to love and embrace the differences of those around them by my example of loving and embracing those around me.  

Four years later and I still whisper this prayer when the song plays in our van.  My prayer has developed and changed some, though. Over the years my eyes have been opened to all the ways we allow differences to hold us back. 

If I could tell the whole world one thing it would be that different doesn't always equal wrong. 

Brady may have said it best about this time last year when he marched into the kitchen and announced, "Alma(our hispanic neighbor) has much darker skin than me." I asked him what he thought about that and he quickly replied, "I don't think about that".

The truth is different is just different.

(Disclaimer: I am not talking about differences which go against absolute truth, sin, or breaking the law. There are differences that could be considered wrong, but they should still be greeted with love. ;) That is a different ball game, I am speaking of just plain old, every day differences.) 

I take great comfort that I believe in a God who intentionally created humans to each be unique. A God who designed the church to be like a body with all different parts working together for a common purpose. A God who is wise enough to know that in order for things to work, grow, and progress, differences are necessary. 

At some point we as a society have decided that if something is different it must be bad, wrong, or evil. When a friend parents a little differently than we do, we often immediately begin to defend our decisions instead of loving and respecting one another. When a sister serves and shows obedience a little bit differently, we often become critical and begin to compare works. When a Christian college graduate decides to live a single life, we often wonder what is wrong with them or other things. When a neighbor who looks a little different moves onto our street, we often swirl thoughts of lowering property values and changing demographics of our community around in our minds.  

I could go on and on, but the point is the world NEEDS different, not criticism, comparison, or hate.  

We each have to learn how to be who God intended us to be while loving, encouraging, and allowing others to also be who He intended them to be. 

It is hard, ugly, and downright messy at times. BUT when we all appreciate each other and work together while finding a balance of giving and taking and shouting and holding back, then mountains will move. 

 The key to learning all of this begins with love. 

Love God. 

Love people. 

It is so simple and so complex. 

Think of the possibilities if the world believed this. Think of the way things would change if instead of defending differences we welcomed them. Think of the work we could accomplish if we allowed the foot to be a foot and the hand to be a hand. Think of the glory God would receive if we chose to grab each others hand and shout we are all different, but we love all the same. 

Today I ask you to allow God to reveal where you are allowing differences to hold you back and where you can insert love and begin to embrace those differences around you. 

No One Likes To Be Ignored.

I never thought entering a contest and rallying your people to win would pull, stretch, challenge, or exhaust me as much as this #styleforjustice contest with Noonday and IJM has. 

I have experienced nearly every emotion I can think of over the last several days. It has been exhausting. 

Each day as I sat with my husband and reflected on the day, my response nearly every time was I would rather be hated than ignored.

I would rather people hate me than never acknowledge my existence. 

I would rather people type mean and ugly things all over my Facebook page, than completely ignore my desire to be a part of this trip. 

Each time I said this, my intentions were selfish. 

I would see friends sharing and supporting others in their endeavors, whatever that may be, and I would think why do they not even notice me. Why don't people care about me?

As the competition continued I felt less like this and more overwhelmed and humbled that my people and my people's people would help me move up OVER 100 spots in just a few days. 

That thought, however, of rather being hated than ignored was burned into my mind. 

As the words swirled around in my head it finally hit me.

 I am so guilty of doing this. 

There was a little girl in Brady's class all year. This little girl lives on our short, dead end street. I had no idea until the last 2 weeks of school. There were 9 kids in his class. I have no excuse as to why I never realized they lived only a few houses down. I failed to acknowledged their existence in our lives. 

Our worship services are filled each Sunday with people no one ever notices. 

Our students are sitting in classrooms and no one ever notices the battle they are fighting at home. 

People are starving right under our noses and we are too busy to even believe it. 

Women and girls are being used and sold and it is easier to just pretend it doesn't exist than to care. 

Children often scream, yell, fight, bully, and bite in order to be noticed. They often do these things because they would rather get in trouble than be ignored. 

They would rather be hated than to never be acknowledged.

We have become busy, selfish, and indifferent in many ways. The story of Annanias and Sapphira in Acts has long been the most disturbing story in the Bible for me. Basically what happens is they sell all their belongings, but agree to lie to the apostles about the sum and agree to keep a portion for themselves. When they come forward to offer the money, they are caught in the lie and struck dead before the apostles. There is a little more, but this is the basic idea. 

It is crazy, disturbing, and unbelievable. I am sure there are many conclusions you could draw from this story, but one that screams out to me is that there is great danger in claiming to be all in, but in reality being half-hearted. Annanias and Sapphira believed what they had seen and heard and even acted on it. However, they couldn't fully commit. They were lukewarm. They wanted to serve both masters. They were in a sense indifferent to the call of God. 

When our hearts become indifferent, we are in great danger of death. 

Indifference leads to a group of people who know there is work to do, but don't care if it is done or not. 

I believe indifference is Satan's greatest tool. I believe indifference is the way to hurt someone in the most damaging way. 

I wanted to go on this trip to Rwanda, not to save the people there or elevate myself, but to give them faces. I wanted to hug them and tell them I love them and I care. Hear their stories and love their babies. Tell them they are important to me and allow others to see they are real, they are human, and they have worth. 

As it stands it is very unlikely I will move up the 48 spots or so I need to be in the top 7 and move forward  in the competition. I would still love the opportunity, but I am okay if this is not mine. I know more opportunities will come. I hope when they do, I will be able to say yes. I hope I will be able to notice. I hope I will care.  

Until then I am challenging myself, and you too if you want, to look for the unnoticed in my life. Maybe it is someone on your street, maybe it is the bully in your school, maybe it is the defensive, bitter man in your community, maybe it is a grandmother unable to get out and about, or maybe it is a small child or husband you have put on the back burner. 

If my hands are the only hands Jesus has, I want to wrap them around the broken and unloved. 

If my mouth is the only mouth Jesus has, I want to use it to speak words of love and Jesus. 

If my feet are the only feet Jesus has, I want to walk where people need to see him. 

In order to do these things and have them mean something, I have to care and love first. 

Where is your heart indifferent? What areas do you need God to soften your heart and open your eyes? How can we let people know we care? 

Thank you, friends, so very much for loving and caring about me through this. You have taught me so many lessons on community, love, and support. I am incredibly humbled by your support and desire to make this happen for me. The amount of kind words, texts, and messages shared with me over the past several days have overwhelmed me. I love you. I need you. I care about you. Thank you! 

You can still vote until Wednesday here.